We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize