My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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