my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
