The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
