am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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