Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
