Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
