you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
