I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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