I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
