pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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