I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
