i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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