Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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