Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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