Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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