if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
