Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
