So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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