We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
porn star boner night. come get it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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