I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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