My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
