You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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