Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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