My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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