Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
