am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
