bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There's even glitter on my cock...
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