if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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