We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
