The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
