I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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