Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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