update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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