There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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