I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize