youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
