please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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