So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
