Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im holly from the hills drunk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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