How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
