I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize