First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
