Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
