Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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