just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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