I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize