Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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