She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
