I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
