Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
