Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's the barista slut.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
