I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
