im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
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