Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
