So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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