I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
