I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
