If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
