Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
