What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
