He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
