By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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