You're completely useless in the revolution.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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