She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize