for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He shit in the fireplace
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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