we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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