.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
