I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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