sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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