Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
