It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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