Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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