he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
