Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
