you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
